Gifted, Anxious, and Totally Done: Was It Too Late to Start Over?
- Gökçe Kutsal
- May 1
- 4 min read
When a 35-year-old opera singer reached out for support, she was at a crossroads.
Having taken a break from her career due to intense stage anxiety and crushing perfectionism, she was questioning everything:
Was opera still right for her?
Should she shift to another path entirely?
All she knew was that singing had once been her lifelong dream — but now, even that felt uncertain.
I remember reading her first message and thinking “Wow... this is someone who’s incredibly self-aware and wrestling with some deep, difficult questions.”
A Life Built Around Music, But No Longer Feeling at Home
When she first reached out, the conflict was already clear.
She had trained for opera most of her life and built her identity around it, yet her experience on stage had become painful.
She’d recently walked away from her career, unsure whether to return to opera or pivot entirely.
This is something I see more often than I'd like — when your passion becomes your profession, the stakes can feel unbearably high, especially when joy starts slipping away.
She described a frustrating disconnect between how she sang in private versus on stage, and linked much of it to long-standing perfectionism and anxiety.
Performing had stopped feeling joyful — it felt punishing.
She was torn between a genuine desire to try again...
And a fear that nothing could change unless something shifted, deeply and meaningfully.
The idea of returning to the stage brought not just excitement, but days — or even weeks — of anticipatory anxiety.
The perfectionism ran deep, making every performance feel like a test she couldn’t pass.
Wrestling With Inner Critics and Unrealistic Standards
As we explored her story, a clearer picture emerged:
Her internal expectations were so extreme that even a nearly flawless performance felt like failure if a single detail went wrong.
Her definition of success had become impossibly narrow:
Not the best in the world = not good enough.
Quite good, with some flaws = not good enough.
Beautiful performance with one wrong thing = still awful.
It’s no wonder she felt overwhelmed.
No matter how much effort she gave, her inner critic always moved the goalposts.
A Turning Point: Meeting Herself with Compassion
Our work together centred not on 'fixing' her, but on helping her meet herself — all parts of her—with compassion and curiosity.
One pivotal moment came through a Jungian exercise called the Empty Chair, where she spoke with different sides of herself to explore whether she truly wanted to leave opera behind or move forward differently.
Through that process, she connected to a wise, caring part of herself that had long been drowned out by fear.
This voice didn’t push or demand.
It listened.
And it gently asked: What if it’s okay to continue, even if you’re scared?
That moment always gives me chills — when someone meets the wiser part of themselves they didn’t know they had access to.
Redefining Success: From External Pressure to Internal Joy
One of the most profound shifts came when she reimagined what success could mean—not as global fame or perfection, but as presence, freedom, and love for the music itself.
She wrote:
“I want to find joy, freedom, musicality and love in making music. I want to focus on the moment—whether it’s practising, studying, or performing.”
That shift helped her break the toxic cycle of self-comparison.
Instead, she began anchoring into values like consistency, gentleness, and process over outcome.
Results: Confidence, Clarity, and a Return to Singing
By the end of our work together, she wasn’t just contemplating a return to singing — she was stepping into it with more self-awareness and emotional resilience than ever before.
Her anxiety hadn’t magically vanished, but she had new tools, new clarity, and a new relationship with herself.
That’s one of the most misunderstood things about this kind of work — it’s never about ‘fixing’ someone, it’s about shifting their relationship with themselves.
She expressed it beautifully in her own words:
“There is a place I can access in me that is compassionate, gentle, caring and wise… This change will be scary, but hopefully in the right way.”
She also realised that the self-criticism that once seemed like a personal flaw would likely follow her into any career path unless it was addressed.
In doing this deep work, she began to close that gap between her off-stage and on-stage self.
In Her Own Words:
“I was initially unsure about working with Gökçe, but now I’m grateful I did. Her approach was brilliant, kind, and accepting. She genuinely cares and wants the best for you. I learned some truly life-changing things about myself, and finally put some old problems to rest.”
It was a true honour to meet this client at such a pivotal moment in her journey.
Witnessing her courage to face long-standing fears, question deeply rooted beliefs, and ultimately reconnect with her love for opera was incredibly moving...
Holding space for that kind of transformation is why I do this work — and I’ll always admire the honesty, insight, and resilience she brought to each step.
